There have been a lot of scientific breakthroughs during the existence of the modern human; but did we need them all? Are they all really breakthroughs? Or are they just pointless AF?

Well, let’s have a look at what scientists have been doing, shall we?

 

1. Hydrogen into Metal: Is this a breakthrough? Yes. Is it useful? I think so! Why? Because we need metal but not as much Hydrogen as we have!

2. Scientist Edited a Human Embryo: Is this a breakthrough? Yes. Is it useful? Yes! Why? Because we can get rid of disorders and diseases by editing those genes out of DNA; therefore, saving lives!

3. Parallel Universes: Is it a breakthrough? Yeah… Is it useful? Maybe? Depending on whether or not Hitler won or not… (I have seen too many Parallel Universe shows that lead to Hitler ruling the world!)

4. ASMR: Is it a breakthrough? Yes…? Maybe! Is it useful? Not really, why did we need to know that some people orgasm due to the sound of crinkling plastic (as an example)…?

5. Turkey Turn On: TURKEY’S WILL LITERALLY FUCK A DEAD TURKEY HEAD! I’m not joking, this is fucked up. Why did they want to know this? Are they trying to see what a turkey will mate with or are they just bored as hell with high funding? Seriously, why did we need to know?

6. Sheep and Celebrities: WHY DID WE NEED TO KNOW THAT A SHEEP CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CELEBRITIES?! WHY WAS THIS NECESSARY?!

 

I understand some breakthroughs are necessary… But why did we need to know a sheep could tell the difference between celebrities? Why did we need to know Turkey’s will fuck deadheads? And why did we need to know that people orgasm over plastic or boring stuff?

We didn’t. Parallel Universes is cool, but still… Only if Trump and Hitler failed!

 

Written by: Amore Kasey