I came out publically as Non-Binary Trans 32 months ago. It was a terrifying period of my life. I first came out five months before but was rejected by a few friends at the time, leaving me anxious and put back into hiding.
But, after coming out in March 2015, I am now out and open about who I am. However, I’ve noticed I haven’t explained much about it – a lot of people are still curious and I haven’t written much.
So, I’m starting a new series. I don’t know how long I’ll do this for – maybe four/five weeks? I’m going to be talking about transitioning, my experiences, and my suggestions that could help some of you in your understanding or transition.
When I came out as Non-Binary Trans, I was met by a sea of people doing one of two things: Complaining about the labels or telling me I didn’t exist.
But, it’s not the same situation for everyone. Mine happened like this, most likely, because I live in a small village full of uneducated (in terms of LGBT+) heterosexual, cisgenders. When I came out to the rest of the world – online and in college, everyone was somewhat supportive.
After a couple of days, I decided to change my name. I took Castiel – which I somewhat regret now, for Supernatural reasons. I took the name because of a family member. My great, great grandmother’s surname was Cas – short for Cassiel – but I didn’t like the double S, so I changed one to T. During the process a few people commented about the name being used for one of the main characters in the show Supernatural, I didn’t think it would be much of a problem… Then a month later all I was receiving was Castiel*Dean Erotic FanFiction… But, in the long run, the name is pretty perfect. It’s made me feel more like myself, in comparison to my deadname.
Though, after almost three years of being called Castiel and thinking I’d need a bank loan to change my name legal (because solicitors like overcharging you for no actual service), I have found that I can change my name, legally, for free. It’s apparently a right that I have as a British Citizen, which I think is pretty cool. This means that I can now change my name and begin the final stage of social transitioning.
And because of this, I thought I’d talk about the rest of social transitioning.
Social Transition is the social portion of transitioning as a Trans/Gender variant person. Whether you’re Transgender, Non-Binary, Genderqueer, or a Demigender – social transition happens for everyone, it just happens in different ways.
The first step is to come out as your gender. Secondly is to announce which pronouns you’d like to use – and if someone misgenders you, politely correct them. After that, you can reinforce it by changing your name – though not everyone does this, some people are born with very Unisex names, but for those like myself who got names that didn’t match them at all – you may want to change your name to point it out easier. If you’re a trans man going by He/Him, having a name like David, in the UK, is going to be a sure sign to call you He/Him. If you’re a trans woman, a name like Chloe or Louisa is going to get more people calling you She/Her.But if you’re in the Non-Binary part of the spectrum like me, it can be even more difficult because unisex names can leave you being perceived as a binary because of how you’re dressed. For me, I always get mistaken as
But, if you’re in the Non-Binary part of the spectrum like me, it can be even more difficult because unisex names can leave you being perceived as a binary because of how you’re dressed. For me, I always get mistaken as Female; it leads to people calling me Love, Darling, and Dear. Though, those are no longer the worst things people call me anymore. I recently got called Baby Girl, and when I announced my Non-Binary Trans Identity, explaining I’m more masc and prefer to be referred to as He/Him – the man upped his usage of the term Baby Girl… As if in an attempt to make me female with the power of his words.
Unfortunately, those people do exist, and I have runnings with them every single day – whether they’re people on the internet or people in person. It’s strange how people think if they ignore something it will go away – but, while I could go into Nazis, Donald Trump, and Kim Jong Un – I’ll leave that for another day.
Luckily, there are a lot of people out there that won’t try to change you. Your family may not support you, your friends may not you. But there are hundreds of people who will, us included.
Tonight, I will be attending Trans Mission‘s support and social group in Leeds, West Yorkshire, at the Cosmopolitan Hotel where I will be officially changing my name and getting my deed poll. My deadname will officially be dead.
I’ll write an update later, or keep it for next week.
If you need someone to talk to, there are plenty of places you can go, including here – contact us if you want to have a chat.
Take care, everyone.