Warning: Bulimia, Body Shaming, and Swearing are within this article. Proceed with caution.
For a long time, I’ve been self conscious of my weight and appearance.
And at this point in my life, I’ve gotten to a stage where I’ve stopped caring what other people think!
For me, that was a huge step because of who I am. I went through a decade of Bulimia, and the aftermath of that lead to me being unable to eat in front of people – not just because of being self conscious but also because eating in front of people made me so anxious I threw up before even eating!
So, now, being able to eat in front of people and not give two fucks is awesome!
On top of that, I also do stuff for myself! And by that I mean: I get my hair done, for me! I wear nice clothes, for me! I’m trying to lose weight, for me! It’s great and I love it!
I was so down and hateful toward myself for so long, trying to lose weight so people would like me and it made me ill.
And now… I’m so much happier with myself, I can actually look at myself in the mirror and think I look pretty today. But at one point, I could never do that. Most of the time, I couldn’t even look in the mirror! I hid from them, and tried to hid myself from people, but now… It’s different.
And I’m happy about it, it makes me feel good!
Yes, I want to be thinner – that’s not because I don’t like my body but more to do with the fact that I’m ill and need to lose some weight. And I know I’m not the biggest person in the world, but I have some bad health issues that may need operations and losing weight is the only way to have these issues corrected.
And yes, I want my hair to be lighter at some point – I can’t do that currently but at some point I will have my pink hair back. Why? Because I love pink hair! It’s great! Who doesn’t want to have their hair the way they like it?
But, for once, I can honestly say I am doing all of these things for myself – not to impress or make someone else happy.
And a way that I’ve done this is by avoiding comparing myself to other people. People look on Instagram and say She has the perfect body, or he has the perfect hair. Honestly, I couldn’t care less! Because most of the time, they don’t actually look like that themselves. If you compare someone with filters and photo edits compared to their usual self, they don’t often look the same. And that’s fine! They have the right to make themselves look the way they want to on social media or in magazines, etc. But don’t compare yourself to someone else – they’re not you, and you’re not them. There are hundreds upon hundreds of different body types and fashion styles.
I’m okay with the fact I have bald spots in my hair.
I’m okay with having a bit of extra weight.
I’m okay with being able to grow a beard.
I’m okay with having hairy legs.
I’m okay with being unable to wear make up.
I’m comfortable wearing leggings and jumpers.
I’m okay going out of my house without wearing a bra.
I’m okay with not doing what everyone expects me to.
I’m okay with not conforming to their idea of beauty.
Never ‘conform’, be who you want to be!