Hey Everyone and Happy Tuesday!

So, today is the first official Happy Day (due to yesterday being Happy Monday – Butterfly Pride) since Art Week and a lot has been going on!

Recently, for those who read our publications, such as Quick Fix and Butterfly Pride, you’ll see a lacking of content from myself… This isn’t by choice! I want to write, I want to produce content for you and entertain you and distract you but I have hit some walls recently…

Other than my Anxiety, my Depression has got worse recently – mainly because I can’t do what I used to; I used to write to make myself feel better and it helped my Depression a lot, but recently I have just slid into a depressed world of feeling useless and unloved…

I know a lot of people feel like this, I know I’m not alone, but due to the chemical imbalance that is Depression, I feel even more alone, knowing that there are people who feel the same way…

Here are a few thoughts that come into my head when I see/speak to specific people:

Jordan/Panda (My Fiance):

I’m not good enough for him…

He’s going to leave me…

Does he still love me?

I think he’s bored of me…

My Parents:

I’m just a replacement…

They hate me…

Why did they have me if they just wanted their precious golden boy?

They should have gotten rid of me…

Our Writers, Readers, Live Love Laugh Ranting in general… :

What am I doing?

I’m a waste, someone could do a much better job than me…

I could just resign and find someone to give my role too…

Why don’t I just get rid of this? Nobody seems to care…

Why can’t people just help us?

I feel this way because of my Depression; I feel empty, alone, worthless, pointless, useless and of all, unloved…

I am trying to get better, the pain in my head and chest has come back, and then the physical pain of being ill is making me tired… I know I’m failing at living right now, but I’m trying.

I’m sorry for wasting your time, today isn’t all that Happy really, is it? But it never really is with me…

I’ll try and write something happy tomorrow, I promise.

Have a nice day, for me, will you?

Love,

Castiel ❤ XOXOX

(P.S. I’m Sorry.)