Today is a great day.
I’m listening to my favourite songs on repeat, I have my favourite lessons and teachers.
I am, once again, pink haired.
It’s the anniversary of one of the greatest days in my life!
So, why do I feel slightly sad even though I also feel happy?
Maybe because, no matter how much I try, I still notice them.
They look, they point and stare and it annoys me.
I may not be in a cage but I know how animals in Zoo’s feel – being pointed at, laughed at.
I should just be happy today. I shouldn’t be upset or sad, I should just be happy.
But why does it feel so hard?
Because I haven’t spoken to him yet? Because I’m at college, having to interact with people I don’t know and may not like if I get to know them.
The risk of being ridiculed is high – people judge before they learn.
When someone looks at me, they see a fat girl, with bright hair and sunglasses.
But what they don’t know is that I am dyslexic, I’ve had problems with my chest and legs and my hair represents my mental illness.
I don’t wear sunglasses, I wear Dyslexia glasses.
I’m not fat because I “eat too much”. Due to my legs and chest I became big, due to this I turned to Bulimia, for 6 years, last year being my last – but now I am unable to eat openly in front of people without the urge to vomit.
I suffer with depression, anxiety and a small form of Multiple Personality Disorder, also known as Dissociated Personalities – these are not something you can see, they don’t often affect me physically – I dye my hair bright colours to correspond with my feelings.
Blue and pink are my main colours, right now I’m pink as I run up to Jordan arriving for Christmas. I can’t show my illnesses physically, so this is my way of showing them.
So, yes, I am fat – yes, I can’t read properly – yes, I have Bright hair.
But I’m happy, you can point and stare as much as you like – I don’t give a fuck.
Enjoy your pathetic day bitching about people who you see as less than you.