This is a short thought of mine that I wrote after today at the doctors when I went to get my bloods taken.

 

“Teenagers at risk of becoming Anorexic due to the Fashion industry.”
For a long time, I believed this to be truth as I knew many people who had become anorexia due to it.
But then, as I grew up and began putting more weight on for no reason, I began to get fatter.
I was and still am self-conscience about my body as it is almost impossible for me to lose weight, it seems. So, why am I conscience? Well, at the beginning of my life I was told my body wasn’t “good enough”. I was then told that I had to be skinny by fashion.
And later, as I began to become more depressed and suicidal, the bullies calmed.
Everyone stopped telling me that I had to be skinny, they only implied. Fashion continued to torment me of my imperfections and began to make me feel even worse.
I began to starve myself, vomit up food if I thought there were too many calories in it. I would continue this for three months before being told that what I was doing was Bulimic behaviour.
I never went to the Doctors about it for the reason as I knew very well what they’d do to me. Condemn me to a mental hospital or a counselling company.
I couldn’t be told that I was insane or suicidal again.
Yes, I was suicidal, at times I felt insane and I was constantly depressed but I being so gave nobody no right to tell me that what I was doing was wrong!
So, I didn’t say. I stuck by what I was doing until I met my partner who made me go straight again. He stopped me from committing suicide and helped me through my hell that still seems to continue.
Other than fashion and people telling me that I didn’t have the perfect body, it was mainly my hospital and doctor visits that made me cry the most. “You’re fat”, “you’re obese”, “and you need to lose weight.”
They told me these things, they told me, as a Depressed person, that I was fat and unhealthy and wrong which only enhanced the depression and suicidal thoughts of which I was thinking.
And only today have I realised that it is not just our perception of weight that makes people like myself feel self-conscience but it is also the government and the health service.
“You’re fat, lose weight”, it’s not as easy as you think and I know it sounds awful but I would go back to being Bulimic in a heartbeat.
I was losing weight and began to feel better for it. I was doing it in the wrong way but for me, it was perfect.

So, why does the Health service tell us that we’re too fat? Because it’s unhealthy? Because they agree with society? Or because it makes for work for them?
I know I’m overweight, I know I’m unsightly and I know I am one of the undesirables. But honestly, you don’t have to send me out of your office crying and wanting to die.
It is corrupt and immoral.
You don’t care about my mental health because you can’t do anything about it other than send me to see someone to talk about things that hurt me even more to speak of.
It’s wrong, just like society.

Article Written By: Holly Gutierrez