Hello Everyone and Happy Wednesday!
So, yesterday wasn’t as bad as Monday when it comes to college but… Friends…
I have gaming friends, and one, that I haven’t played with since August due to them making excuses but I know he can get on a pc and play because I’ve seen him online on his Steam account and playing games -.- has decided that he no longer has any “respect” for me… This child is 12… He just assumes things and doesn’t ask questions…
He sent me the snottiest text ever saying, “If you want to try and regain my respect then message me.” So, I messaged him and questioned what I’d done… He didn’t tell me, just unfriended me on facebook because he knew he was in the wrong and didn’t want to say I was right. How do I know this? Because on the night I attempted suicide last year, everyone was threatening to walk out of my life, and most of them did. Jordan was the only one that didn’t. And this child, also told me I wasn’t his friend, why? Because “we don’t talk as much”. That doesn’t mean you’re not friends with people! It means you don’t have enough time in the day! Between going to the hospital, looking after my parents and trying to survive college, I was in a fucking wreck and the only person who offered me help was Jordan, why? Because he had fallen for me and didn’t want to see me so upset! This kid decided I wasn’t worth his time even though he didn’t know what had even been happening for me to not be able to talk to him. So, in essence, he no longer has “respect” for me and he unfriended me on facebook and it’s because I wasn’t giving him enough attention. In other words, it’s like bitches who say they self harm just to get attention and then dis people who actually self harm for reasons.
Well, I’m sorry! I attempt to make everyone as happy as possible! I can’t please my own family let alone a kid. I have hardily any friends due to not having enough hours in the day and between being ill, being in hospital and being in college, I barely have enough time to get college work done and talk to my boyfriend.
So, if I neglect people who don’t see how hard I’m trying to work to keep EVERYONE happy, I’m sorry but you’re wasting your time being depressed around me, go take your fake problems and little issues somewhere else. This is to so many people that have left me because three “friends” have all gotten rid of me out of their lives and honestly, I have done anything and everything to keep these people happy and it just doesn’t seem like they need nor want to be happy because they are part of the population of the world that loves being doom and gloom! I attempt and try my god damn hardest to make everyone happy so that people don’t have to be alone nor depressed or even go through a situation like me! If any of you message me and I don’t reply within a few minutes and it’s during the day for me, I am so sorry! If it’s during the night for me, I could be in a dead sleep or awake and working… But if I don’t reply, I am so sorry! Why? Because I love you guys! I love my readers so much so that I look upon you all as my friends, even family! If you’re ever thinking of anything that scares you about yourself, suicide, self harm… Depression, ANYTHING! Message me, call me on Skype, message me on Facebook (On my page due to my Others box being broken), email me or comment on something! I will answer it as quickly as I can, if you make the email as Important, I will notice it more due to the notification being louder!
I’m sorry for making this more about depression and such… but I need people to understand that I will always be there for them! Honestly, I never forget anyone! Not my abusers, nor my old friends. I love this little kid like a brother. But if he goes through with not wanting anything to do with me… It’ll be done and he will just be dead to me. Why? Because I can’t handle with someone hating me so much when we were once so close… I just can’t…
Thanks for reading!
I hope you enjoyed!
Talk soon everyone,
Holly Gutierrez ❤ XOXOX