Hello Everyone and welcome to my little rant…. Thing…
So, it’s been a while, I know, I honestly don’t know when I’ll be able to start writing again, it will happen soon hopefully, I just can’t do it yet.
Why? Three reasons.
- College; being at college is okay, it doesn’t bother me all that much but I will say this, the stress and pain I go through, emotionally, here is more than what I went through during my GCSE’s.
- Parents; “Why are you so depressed?” “Why are you so moody?” “You need help.” Oh really? No, I need love and the lack of shouting.
Honestly… The past two or so weeks have been the worst ever and honestly, I feel like I’m going back to my old ways…
And to those who don’t know or have only just started reading, here is a little bit of back-story for you about how I used to be and how I am.
When I was 7 I started being depressed, I figured out I was bisexual when I was 8 and by the age of 10 I was being beaten up for being a Goth.
When I was 12 I came out to my mother that I was Bisexual who told me not to tell my Dad or Brother due to them being homophobic at the time. When I was 14 I met a guy and had a relationship with him for almost two years, the relationship was nothing but abusive and in all fairness… Not just verbal and physical.
However, I had started self-harming when I was 11 and stopped when I was 13 but started again when I was 15 due to my boyfriend and parents.
Just before I turned 16 I stopped self-harming… to an extent. I would still cut and twang myself with an elastic band but that was nothing compared to what I had done before.
And then a friend came back into my life, I had, had a crush on him for almost 8 years and I thought the world of him until he took my virginity and used me for sex over a period of 5 months. And then I met someone and he was nice until he decided that he didn’t know how he liked me even though he’d been leading me on and also trying to use me for sex.
Then it was time to start college and within the first 3 days I was told to commit suicide and told to learn to read… And this is supposed to be the best college in the country… Well, no, it’s really not.
And then to top it all of, my parent think it’s a good idea to preactically tell me I’m worthless and then shout at me telling me that I need mental help. Thank Mum and Dad, that helps me a lot. All I try to do is impress them and make them happy and all they seem to do is shout at me and then tell me that I’m snappy.
Now, what else has happened…
Well, the guy I started having a crush on lives nowhere near me and is now going to Lancaster for University and I’m lonely as hell. Not so happy days.
So, what has made me write this?
Well, yesterday I was given a test in film studies and we needed 21 marks out of 30… Oh and guess what, we’ve only had our teacher twice out of the possible 11 lessons… And the substitute teacher wonders why we don’t pass the test? And then he tells us we have to re-do it today and to pass we need 24 marks…
And then to top that off, I bought stuff for my parents and all they did was tell me I was being stupid and then shouted at me this morning.
And then when they rushed me this morning and my tights ripped, I was wearing shorts and tights… it’s a thing that I do, I ran to change them and then they shouted at me again.
Then they shouted at me when I got upset because they shouted at me. And then when my bottle started leaking in my bag they were more worried about their blanket on the seat getting wet than my school work… And once again they shouted at me and I cried and they told me that I needed help.
Who agrees with me and who agrees with them?
Tell me in the comments, please.
Because honestly, I don’t want to be like this again. Im going to end up back in hospital or something.
If you enjoyed reading my little rant about my stupid little life, why not comment, share or like it.
Thank you for reading.
Don’t be a stranger, pop up and be lonely with me! ❤